A Lesson in Names and Pronouns

I haven’t publicly “spoken” about this since coming out in my last blog. I don’t need to give anyone reasons as to why I haven’t, I don’t need to explain myself one bit, but I feel the need to bring the topic up. Why? Because not speaking about it makes me feel like some people think it might just go away, that this is just a phase in my life.

First I want to begin with a lesson in using proper pronouns and names. Imagine you are out to eat and the person serving you food mistakes you for the opposite sex. Immediately you correct them, right? Your are correcting them because they are wrong, because you know in your heart that you are you and we all want to be validated. They immediately apologize and correct themselves. It’s easy, it’s done and over with, simple and now everyone feels better.

Now when I tell somebody that I am transgender and that I’m a man nobody else gets the right to say that I am not. Why? Because they are not walking in my shoes, they have not lived my life, and they do not know how my mind works. They are not me and their opinion on how I express myself does not have any meaning on how I live my life.

So, when somebody calls me by my birth name I cringe. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’ve hated that name since I was a kid. Even adding one of my middle names to the first only made it a tiny bit better, but still I grew to hate it. “Ruth” made me feel like an old lady, it didn’t fit. “Ruth Ann” made me feel like a little girl, it didn’t fit. BLAKE makes me smile. BLAKE feels like a good fit. Calling me by my old names makes me feel as if you are not accepting who I am, it makes me feel horrible, and it actually hurts me.

With that in mind let’s move on to using proper pronouns. Remember that scene in the restaurant where you correct the person serving you food? Okay good. So, now maybe you can understand that if I tell you that I’m a man, and my pronouns are masculine, that that’s that, right? I hope so.

Now I understand it’s harder for some people who have spent X number of years using the exact opposite for both name and pronoun. All I’m saying is that as soon as you start using the correct terms you’ll see just how happy it makes me.

Honestly I feel like this may be a bit scattered, and not very well put together, but I hope that it gets the point across.

Also as a bit of a side note, I’m still learning and figuring everything out myself. It’s not cut and dry, it’s a journey of self discovery, one that I know is very hard to understand, but it’s also incredibly hard to get through.

Many people who go through this don’t have the same support that I do, and I know that I’m lucky. I’m lucky that my mother is working on understanding and calling me by my name, I’m lucky that other members of my family are trying to understand and not exiling me for who I am.

My heart goes out to those who are struggling silently, without any of that support. May you stand strong and come out the other side, I look forward to meeting you there.

xo Blake

This Is Me

Writing these words isn’t easy for multiple reasons. It might just be due to the fact that I’m a perfectionist when it comes to what I write, and making sure these words come out in a way that everyone will understand them seems quite impossible. It probably is impossible to be honest, because we all lead our own lives, have our own beliefs, and see things a certain way.

No matter who you are that is reading this, these words are mine, from the life I lead, to my beliefs, and how I see things. Your opinion on them is your own, and after reading this I would appreciate it wholeheartedly if you didn’t try to push them on to me.

I state again, this is my life, my beliefs, and how I see things.

Let’s start with a bit of a back story, shall we?

When I was younger and growing up my mother was great (she still is) and she never forced any role on me or my brother. We played with what we wanted to play with, we dressed how we wanted to dress, and we acted as our own selves would; There were no guidelines, there were no boundaries, just a set of rules to make sure we didn’t hurt ourselves or each other.

I don’t remember what age it was when I started to consider myself a “tomboy” but the fact remains that I was never what anyone could really consider girly. Sure I played with my barbies, but I also played with my legos, matchbox cars, and those tiny little skateboards.

Now I want to take a second just to breathe because the further I get into writing this and the further you get into reading this, the truth is just around the corner. It’s exciting because on one hand I feel like I’m finally going to be free, but on the other hand it’s terrifying because I know that I could lose many relationships, and some of which would break my heart.

If you’ve seen the little bio sections on any of my pages, you’ll notice that I have it set to say “slytherin. puppy enthusiast. music lover. weirdo” or something resembling those few facts. There is actually one thing missing, and it’s probably the biggest truth to my name.

The truth is is that I am transgender. I identify as a male, with male pronouns. I am not trapped in the wrong body, although I am constantly wishing I had different assets. You need to understand that gender isn’t something that’s physical, it’s a mentality. Gender is a spectrum, on one side you have the male box, and on the other side the female box. It can be quite confusing and distressing, and for someone like me who likes things organized sometimes it can be hell. Most people are lucky though and it’s not something they ever question, but from my teenage years I’ve always thought I was different.

I never really fit in with my girl friends, but I never really wanted to fit in with the guys. I kept to myself a lot, always in my head, and if you knew me during my teenage years you knew that life wasn’t easy for me.

I remember googling “when does sex develop in the womb,” considering I was born three months early. Turns out, it develop’s quite early so as I didn’t know much I just set aside the questions I had about my gender. My body says I’m female, so obviously, that’s it.

It’s not it though.

This journey is a long one. Some people that I’ve told think I still have some exploring to do, and they’re right. I do have more exploring to do, but then again we all do. My path is just different from what was expected.

This doesn’t change me. I’m still the same person. And by saying all this I’m free.

I’m going to spread my wings and fly.

This is my life and this is me living it to it’s fullest.

I welcome you to join me on my journey, but if you’re stepping off the train I wish you all the luck with your life. And I thank you for being whatever it is you were to me, or are to me, because I truly believe that people are put in our lives for reasons.

Until next time.

My name is Blake, and my pronouns are he/him/uncle/and other masculine like terms. I’m twenty three years old and this is the first day of my life.